government-types

Impressive work by a 14-year-old kid. You should read the article, but Suvir Mirchandani did the research and the math and determined that US governments (Federal and State governments combined) could save $400 million dollars per year by switching from Times New Roman to Garamond. That $400 million is just for the cost of ink (compared to Garamond, Times New Roman requires more ink to print the same text).

Here’s an example of Times New Roman:

Times New Roman

Times New Roman

Now the same text, same point size, in Garamond:

Garamond

Garamond

Clearly, Garamond uses less ink (and less space). The article didn’t mention it, but switching to a professional OpenType font with optical kerning and standard ligatures would help a lot, too. At least in terms of saving space. And being super-classy.

Same text, same point size, using Garamond Premier Pro with optical kerning and standard ligatures:

Garamond Premier Pro with standard ligatures

Garamond Premier Pro with optical kerning and standard ligatures

Despite Mirchandani’s findings, I wouldn’t expect the government to be making the switch any time soon. The cultural and societal implications of a move from Times New Roman to Garamond are enormous. Don’t get me wrong; I use Garamond as my go-to serif, and would only use TNR if I was forced to. But Microsoft made TNR the standard “default” font for computer typesetting, and its ubiquitous use has made an indelible impression on the cultural subconscious. TNR represents stability, tradition, conformity, even normalcy. If you open up a legal document, Times New Roman just FEELS right. Garamond, on the other hand, feels more erudite, delicate, and refined. A legal document set in Garamond doesn’t have the same feeling of authority and authenticity.

To put it another way, asking the US Government to switch from TNR to Garamond is tantamount to asking Americans to use British spellings (e.g. colour, centre, organisation). It’s still English, of course, but it doesn’t FEEL right to an American eye.

The other difficulty, of course, is that any document created today needs to be legible both on the screen and on the page. Garamond reads just as easily as TNR on the printed page, maybe even slightly better. But TNR is easier to read on the screen. From that perspective, a switch to Garamond doesn’t make sense.

Personally, I cast my lot in with Calibri. Microsoft commissioned Luc(as) de Groot to design Calibri with the screen AND the page in mind. First released in 2004, Calibri has now become the default font for all things Microsoft. It’s a humanist font that bridges the gap between man and machine. It’s not as hip as Helvetica, which works to its advantage, I think—it feels serious enough to be used in business without feeling trendy.

Calibri doesn’t save any ink, but it’s more practical for screen-reading. And the biggest savings will come when we don’t have to print it out at all.

Wily Willie: Pot-Bellied Scourge of Eastern Des Moines

A tip of the hat to Kyle Munson of the Des Moines Register. This has to be one of the best stories in modern journalism.

You really need to read the full story: Pot-belly pig terrorizes Des Moines neighborhood. While this video doesn’t show off Munson’s ability to capture compelling video footage (Merle Schieffer demonstrating how the cage operates, Willie chasing the rabbit), his narration gives a small taste of the wonderful wit he wields with the written word. Kyle Munson, you would be a welcome guest driveller any time. Perhaps I can get him to do a fantastic op-ed someday.

worker’s comp for unsafe sex

Injuries from sex, playing cards are compensable says Australian court.

On Dec. 13, 2012, the Full Bench of the Federal Court ruled in favor of a former government employee who was injured while having sex on a business trip. The incident took place in 2007 in the town of Nowra, New South Wales (Australia). The woman was hospitalized and treated for injuries sustained while having sex with a male friend in her motel room. She subsequently filed a claim for worker’s compensation.

From the Associated Press article by Rod McGuirk:

During the sex, a glass light fitting was torn from its mount above the bed and landed on her face, injuring her nose and mouth. She later suffered depression and was unable to continue working for the government.

Her claim for worker’s compensation for her physical and psychological injuries was initially approved by government insurer Comcare, then rejected after further investigation.

An administrative tribunal agreed with Comcare that her injuries were not suffered in the course of her employment, saying the government had not induced or encouraged the woman’s sexual conduct. The tribunal also found the sex was “not an ordinary incident of an overnight stay” such as showering, sleeping and eating.

I must pause to interject a few linguistic observations:

During the sex, …

You don’t see “the sex” all that often. Usually it’s just “sex.” I would probably start that sentence off with “During sex.” Leave it to the Associated Press to squeeze in an unnecessary article

…a glass light fitting was torn from its mount

I’m not sure whether there’s another way to phrase this, but when describing sexual accidents, use of the word “mount” is…well…I guess it ups the t-factor.

…in the course of her employment …

Sounds like “intercourse of her employment.” I guess that’s the debate here: was this intercourse of her employment? or just intercourse?

The tribunal also found the sex was “not an ordinary incident of an overnight stay” …

Ah, here’s where the definite article “the” comes into play. The tribunal didn’t find that sex, per se, is “not an ordinary incident of an overnight stay,” only that this particular sex, THE sex in question, was not “ordinary.” So we’ve learned that this was not ordinary sex, and that it involved a glass fitting being “torn from its mount.” I wonder if they had diagrams for the jury, because I’m having a hard time visualizing this.

… such as showering, sleeping and eating.

Euphemistically, she was “sleeping with” her male friend. I hope her attorney pointed that out in the appeal.

OK, back to the story. The tribunal ruled against the woman.

On appeal, however, the Federal Court overturned the tribunal’s findings that the sex had to be condoned by the government if she were to qualify for compensation. Judge John Nicholas explained in his decision:

“If the applicant had been injured while playing a game of cards in her motel room, she would be entitled to compensation even though it could not be said that her employer induced her to engage in such activity.”


closing thoughts

I think everyone is missing the point here. There was a lot of back-and-forth about whether or not the government approved of the woman having sex on a business trip.

How much has been spent on this legal battle? If the government had, instead, spent its time and resources educating its employees on safe sex, this might not have ever happened.

Because, if nothing else, this sex was definitely not safe.

c + e

Aside

“Which came first, the chicken or the egg?”

This age-old question has been at the center of more than a few academic feuds over the years. Its polarizing effect has left a sharp and bitter divide in the world of Higher Rhetoric, much like Einstein and Bohr split the 20th-century physics community.

Last I heard, there was no consensus. Did the first chicken lay the first egg? Or did the first egg hatch the first chicken?

It’s really a question of cause and effect. Cause precedes effect, so we might say that the first chicken was the CAUSE of the first egg (the EFFECT of the first hen a-laying). Similarly, we might say that the first egg was the CAUSE of the first chicken (the EFFECT of the first egg a-hatching).

One day, while diagramming the chicken-and-egg question (something I do from time to time), I made an astonishing discovery. I had used the variables “C” and “E” to represent “CAUSE” and “EFFECT” (respectively). Since “cause” begins with a “C” and “effect” begins with an “E”, this seemed a logical choice.

But wait…what is another word that begins with “C”? CHICKEN. And another word that begins with “E”? EGG.

Coincidence? I think not.

If C = CAUSE and C = CHICKEN, then CHICKEN = CAUSE.

If E = EFFECT and E = EGG, then EGG = EFFECT.

Since cause, by definition, precedes effect, we can safely say that the chicken preceded the egg.

Q.E.D.

the hunt for pink october

The Hunt for Pink October

Join the hunt.
Buy something pink.

disclaimer

If you’ve read fantasticdrivel at all (or even just perused the tag cloud), you’re probably well aware of my fondness for breasts. I think they’re great. Moreover, I really like women. Especially strong-willed, capable, intelligent women—like Lady Liberte, the unofficial mascot of fantasticdrivel.com. Therefore, I have no problem with National Breast Cancer Awareness Month: a month devoted to saving women and their breasts by raising awareness about breast cancer.

I’ll also add that, as a graphic designer and an advocate for a public awareness cause (Adams Place), I’m beyond impressed by what the Susan G. Komen Foundation et al have been able to accomplish in terms of branding (i.e. the pink ribbon).

I do feel, however, that sometimes companies go a little too far in trying to get a piece of the Pink October pie. I’m not talking about pinkwashing (yes, it’s a word; read more about it on wikipedia); I’ll give these folks the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are dedicated to the cause and not their own profit. Just because it’s for a good cause, that doesn’t make it a good idea. I think you’ll see what I mean by the time we get to pink pumpkins (below).


October is the pinkest month of the year, and it seems to be pinker each time it rolls around.

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