BROCKLEE—Last week’s hospitalizations were just the latest casualties in a sordid drug drama playing out on the streets of Brocklee. Drug use and trafficking is nothing new, but hospitals have seen a significant increase in ER visits related to the use of “Hummeth,” or hummus laced with methamphetamine.
“It’s your classic ‘party drug’ situation,” explains Captain Jack Delmont of the Brocklee Police Department. “You go to a party, someone puts out some pita chips and veggies and a bowl of Hummeth. Next thing you know, you’ve been going for 10, 12, 14 hours… In addition to the whole human tragedy element—you know, giving unsuspecting kids their first taste of a highly addictive, highly illegal drug—it results in a lot of ‘disturbing the quiet’ violations.”
Delmont notes that Brocklee PD has seen a substantial increase in the number of citations given for “disturbing the quiet enjoyment of the home” (i.e. violations of noise ordinance).
The question that nobody can seem to answer: where does the meth come from in the first place?
BROCKLEE — Local police have stepped up their efforts to prevent looting on the streets of Brocklee. Thanks to additional patrols and zero-tolerance enforcement, the Brocklee Police Department has issued over 30 looting citations in the past two weeks. Fines for looting range from a minimum of $150 all the way up to $1,500, based on an individual’s past record and the severity of the offense.
This development follows the implementation of Brocklee’s new “superecycling” program, known for its slogan “Think green. Think BIG.” The city signed an exclusive contract with BIG following the dissolution of Brocklee’s former waste-management partner, Wastes of the West. Part of the new contract involved the passage of several city ordinances, including the so-called “Clean & Safe” ordinance being used in the looting crackdown.
I’m 27, single, and on facebook. That much you know. What you may not know: I am also boss of a global empire of organised crime. A level 270 insomniac, I have an hourly income of nearly $2 billion. That works out to a cool $17.5 quadrillion in annual income–and that’s tax-free. I guess I do have to pay the bank 10% every time I make a deposit. But I’m pretty sure my fellow Americans in the $17.5 quadrillion tax bracket pay a slightly higher rate.