zw1: good riddance

“Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road . . .”  

Thus beginneth “Good Riddance,” perhaps the most poignant poetry penned by the great Billie Joe Armstrong in the early post-Dookie period. Official statistics are difficult to come by, but it is estimated that if you graduated from high school between 1998 and 2001, there is a 73.67% chance that THIS was your class song. If you throw out the 1999 grads (who seemed rather fond of Prince’s “1999”), that number swells to 98.97%. A recent study found that GED candidates from the same time period were similarly partial to the tune: nearly 80% would have chosen the song (or its equivalent) as their class song if they had been allowed a class song. It was even determined that a majority of students who dropped out of high school between 1998 and 2001 can sing along with the chorus if you get them started . . .  

“It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right. I hope you had the time of your life.”  

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like mob wars? become a cop!

I’m 27, single, and on facebook.  That much you know.  What you may not know: I am also boss of a global empire of organised crime.  A level 270 insomniac, I have an hourly income of nearly $2 billion.  That works out to a cool $17.5 quadrillion in annual income–and that’s tax-free.  I guess I do have to pay the bank 10% every time I make a deposit.  But I’m pretty sure my fellow Americans in the $17.5 quadrillion tax bracket pay a slightly higher rate. 

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beyond cavemen

When it comes to car insurance ads, I have to hand it to the advertising people at Geico.  I can repeat their catch-phrase from memory (“Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance”).  If you show me a talking gecko, a moron made up like a caveman, or a stack of money with googley-eyes, I think of Geico.  I think the gecko is kind of cute.  I think the cavemen are stupid beyond all belief.  And I’m irritated by the creepy, unwavering stare of “the money [I] could be saving with Geico.”  It’s like a Sesame Street version of the Eye of Sauron, whose lidless, fiery gaze scoured the face of Middle Earth.  The black tower of Barad-dûr was a bit more sinister than Geico’s stack of $5 bills; but, to be fair, Peter Jackson had a bigger budget.  I think.

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better than pong

I’m a guy. I love video games–and I’m not alone. I don’t know if it’s something that’s worked its way into the genome or simply a crime of convenience, but I know a lot of guys who love video games. Advertisers must have picked this up somewhere along the way, because it’s not uncommon to see ads for the 21st century male’s dream job: video game tester.

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