how many holes does it take to fill the albert hall?

Four thousand, right? That’s the obvious answer for any Beatles fan.

That number comes from this verse of A Day in the Life:

I read the news today, oh boy,
4000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire,
and though the holes were rather small
they had to count them all.
Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall.

A Day in the Life lyrics John Lennon #fantasticdrivel

Lennon’s lyrics

But I’m not so easily convinced that four thousand is the answer.

Reading the lyrics strictly, we only can be sure of two things: (1) they have counted four thousand small holes in Blackburn, Lancashire and (2) they now know how many holes are required to fill the Albert Hall. The song does not explicitly state the number of holes it would take to fill the Albert Hall, it just tells us that they now know that number. The number would be 4,000 only if there is some direct equivalency between Blackburn, Lancashire and the Albert Hall.

Not knowing much about the Albert Hall, or Blackburn (or Lancashire, for that matter), I decided to do a little research. The results of my investigation might surprise you.

(click more to find out!)

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wiki.answers.wtf? Igor’s favorite foods

The answer monkeys have struck again.

Today, while trying to learn Igor Stravinsky’s favorite foods, I again clicked over to wiki.answers.com. My experience there last week should have prepared me for the kind of “relevant answers” I might encounter (see last week’s post). I am more confident than ever that dactylographic [i.e. “typewriting”] monkeys are behind these so-called “relevant answers.”

random ass answers to Igor Stravinsky question

What did Igor Stravinsky like to eat? This answer sheds little light on the subject.

In case that image didn’t load, here’s the transcript:

What kind of foods did Igor Stravinsky like to eat

Relevant answers:

What kind of food they like to eat?

they eat tacos and they put different kinds of stuff on it they have different taste then us

What kind of food does a hores like to eat?

most likely hay

I am again reminded of one of my favorite posts, the second part of Zoo World 3, where I worked out the deeper meaning behind a strip-club review by a reviewer known only as “dan.” I might attempt something similar with these relevant answers, but for now, you can enjoy dan’s work here.

wiki.answers.wtf?

I am currently working on a video for a sculpture I’m selling. You can see my art-for-sale videos on my YouTube channel, YouTube.com/MichaelHanna. Sometime in the next few days I hope to post a video for a bronze recast of a “J. Moigniez” golden eagle sculpture. Whilst searching for pricing on similar pieces, I came across a Moigniez appraisal question on wiki.answers.com.

if you ask a stupid question…

(note my deft use of the “complete-the-idiom” technique)

The thing is, it wasn’t a stupid question. At least, the question I asked wasn’t stupid. The question that was answered…well, that’s a different story.

random ass answer to Jules Moigniez appraisal query

SPOILER ALERT! Harry Potter fans who are behind on their reading, beware: this answer contains information about Potter Progeny.

In case that image didn’t load, here’s the transcript:

What is the average appraisal price for Jules Moigniez racehorse sculpture?

Relevant answers:

Average price for average price of a airplane?

Harry Potter had three children by the names of Lily Potter, Albus Severus Potter, and James Potter, with the mother being Ginny Weasley.

Hmm. If this is the most “relevant” answer, I’d be interested to see some of the irrelevant ones. I can suggest two possible explanations, although I don’t have time to do any follow-up. At least not right now.

the law of averages of averages

The “Law of Averages” isn’t technically “on the books” anywhere. So maybe it’s more like “common law.” I don’t remember it from Law School. But then, I failed out after one year. So maybe that’s a 2L thing.

To paraphrase the Law of Averages: things tend to even out over time.

But this answer is to a question about the average of an average. Like the derivative of a derivative. That would be a second derivative. So maybe this is a second average. Of the “price of a airplane.” Sic.

I’d like to propose the “Law of Averages of Averages,” which would go something like this:

AVERAGE( AVERAGE( X ) ) = HARRY POTTER

Where X is pretty much anything. In our case, the “price of a airplane.” Sic.

infinite monkey theorem

According to a common variation of the famous “infinite monkey theorem,” the entire collected works of William Shakespeare could be reproduced with sufficient quantities of monkeys, typewriters, and time. For an in-depth look at the theorem, including simian simulations, check out Zoo World 3.04.

monkey typing

dactylographic [i.e. “typewriting”] chimp, ready to answer your toughest questions

I’m not sure how many monkeys it would take to reproduce the works of J.K. Rowling. Nor do I know how many monkeys are employed by wiki.answers.com. There is a decidedly random element to this answer, though. Dactylographic [i.e. “typewriting”] monkeys could be behind it all.

a good answer?

This particular question-and-answer exchange was pretty worthless to me in my Moigniez search, but that might not be the best way to evaluate its worth. After all, as a wiser person than me once said:

A good answer raises more questions than it answers.

Judging by that metric, I’d say this answer is pretty damn good.


(here’s a rotated version for pinterest…)

random ass answer to Jules Moigniez appraisal query

SPOILER ALERT! Harry Potter fans who are behind on their reading, beware: this answer contains information about Potter Progeny.